Mom Guilt Is Real

I first need to preface this blog post. I'm not writing about the "mom guilt" that most people think about. This is not a blog post about women who choose to work outside the home and those who choose to stay at home with their children. I'm not opening that can of worms. I also have to preface this by saying that I have "Mom Guilt" and I'm not afraid to say it. I don't feel bad for saying it and I don't think any mom should feel embarrassed by having it. I honestly think all moms have guilt at some point in their parental careers.

Here's the facts.

  • Charlie was born 8.5 weeks early.
  • He has eczema. I can only use certain lotions, shampoos, soaps, laundry detergent, etc. due to his sensitivities.
  • He has food allergies. We keep almond milk in our fridge. He has a "dairy allergy" bracelet. He knows he can't have cheese and he has become the "cheese police."
  • He has environmental allergies. I have to keep Benedryl on hand at all times in case he breaks out... and he does.
  • Lucy was also born early.
  • I won't go in depth regarding her cancer story, but she's been through a lot.
  • She has tubes in her ears and has had several ear infections.
  • Both of my babies had colic.
  • Both of my babies had reflux and were on medication in order to keep formula down.
  • NOW, Charlie needs glasses! His prescription is +6/+6.5 AND astigmatism!!!

I know all of this is not my fault, but you can't blame me for wondering if I did this to my children. I mean that's a long list, so it only seems reasonable that something is my fault.

I feel awful that I'm just now getting his eyes checks. The poor boy's eyes have been straining to see for more than 3 years. His vision is probably blurry most of the time.

The logical side of me is saying, "He's only 3 years old, so you caught it early." The emotional side of me is saying, "THREE WHOLE YEARS of having blurry vision."

How many times did I discipline him for not doing what he's been told like picking something off the ground or doing something or going somewhere? His vision could have been preventing his abilities to follow directions and I probably spanked him (yes, spanked) because of it.

I'm "mama." I make things all better. I pay attention to them. I know them. I understand them. That's a long list up there.

Don't worry, I'm not crying myself to sleep with guilt. I am, however, giving Charlie extra hugs and maybe a giant bag of jelly beans to try to make up for it.