I know there have been times at church, work, Wal-Mart and different times around town when people have asked me, "How are you?" I have politely answered, "Fine," or "Good." I also know they knew I was probably not good or fine. They probably knew I was stressed and scared. With that said, sometimes it's best to take the 'good' or 'fine' and let me smile and move on with life.
All of that is to set this story up for a big fat lie I gave myself.
I thought I was good when Lucy's surgery went well, as planned. I should be ecstatic and relieved, right? Well I was, but that's not all I was feeling.
If you saw my facebook today, you know that Lucy peed on her own today. What you may not know is what a giant step that is for her. You see, some of her nerves could have been damaged to her bladder during the surgery. The surgeon was very up front about it. The risks of the surgery was worth saving her life. If her nerves were damaged, a catheter for several years would be one alternative. So, the fact that she peed all by herself told Lucy's Mama that she's going to be okay.
I cried. I cried on my Mama's shoulder. I had lied to myself. I told myself that I was good and fine, but I wasn't. I was SCARED! I was more nervous than I wanted to admit to even myself.
I'm good now.