A lot of people tell me to journal during this time in my life. I understand what they are saying and someday I will wish I wrote and journaled, however, I am finding it hard to want to write about the frustrations, pain and fears. Unfortunately those are the dominate emotions I have right now. I don’t want to wallow in self-pity and the last thing I want to do is provide a sad place to relive in the form of a journal.
I think many moms of premature babies feel the same way or no one would say, “I wish I had journaled more while he/she was in the hospital.”
What I do want to remember is our triumphs.
The first time I held him.
The first time his Daddy held him.
The first… and the second time the blue light came off.
The first… and the second time his canual came off.
His first bath with water.
When he reached 4 pounds.
The first time he took a bottle.
Those feelings of joy and unbelievable pride are what I want to remember.
Although the last few weeks have been tough, Charlie is doing so much better. All of the clichés are true. We will be home in no time. It will be okay. Everything will work out. There is a reason for everything. We will look back at this time in our lives and remember the good and forget about the bad.
However, I will never forget giving birth without drugs… but that is a story for another post.